My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
