the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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