She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
