She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it's like heaven, but drunker
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
