I have demons in me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
