I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
