This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
