i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
