i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
