I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
