I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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