you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
