And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
