I have demons in me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
