Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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