i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
