The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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