her vagine was all disorganized.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
