tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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