3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
