He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
