i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
