just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
