I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
