Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
