I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
