just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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