Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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