Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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