Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
