this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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