Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
