Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
