Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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