a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
