hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
