$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
