1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
