You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
