cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
