dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im part way to drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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