We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
