isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She needs sedatives and a leash
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
