he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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