you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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