Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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