I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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