Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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