I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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