Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think i got beer on your cat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
