I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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