well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
