he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
