We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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